December 22, 2008

If I Were President...

- I'd make it a law that everyone must have at least two hobbies. One can have expensive paraphernalia but at least one must be inexpensive. Then it would be no problem finding gifts for everyone.
- I'd make all schools year-round (sorry Meredith). It just makes sense to me.
- Just like every child must take math and science, I'd make it a law that every child take art and music.
- People would have to take a simple intelligence test before they are allowed to drive. Such questions as what follows would be on the test:
- When is it logical to turn on your headlights?
a. When it is dark outside
b. When it is foggy outside
c. When it is raining, drizzling, snowing, sleeting, hailing or any other time precipitation is falling from the sky, therefore obstructing the sun and making it harder for other drivers to see your vehicle
d. At dusk and dawn
e. All of the above
- When should you begin slowing down to make a turn?
a. When you're in the turn lane
b. When your 200 yards from the turn and there's 4,000 cars behind you trying to go home after a long day at work
c. Whenever you feel like it
- For every “guy movie” a female watches without complaint, the guy must watch a “chick flick” without complaint.
- The number of baseball and basketball games in a single season would be cut by 50 percent. Is it really necessary to play 162 baseball games to find out which team is the best? Do we need to see the Utah Jazz play 82 times, only to be reminded 82 times how ridiculous that team name is? And don't even get me started on the OKC Thunder logo or the number of games in the playoffs.
- Schools would be funded so well that the military would be sending out soldiers to sell candy and doughnuts (this is, of course, said somewhat sarcastically. I'd prefer both the army and schools be well funded. Not just one or the other).
- Overcharging the public for uncreative music in which the “musician” or “singer” had absolutely no input in the process other than lip syncing into a microphone would be a crime with a penalty that includes being forced to listen to the Bee Gees nonstop for three months.

What law would you add to the books?

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