On Putting a Stop to the Madness (of the Trix Rabbit)

I submit that the following should be discontinued and forgotten and never used again:

1. Using the "Got Milk?" ad campaign for things other than the "Got Milk?" campaign. For example, churches are no longer allowed to name a sermon series (or any of their other events) "Got God?" We must put a stop to the overuse of this "Got ____?" epidemic. It's old. Really, really old.

2. Using the Mastercard "Priceless" ad campaign for things other than the "Priceless" campaign. People, people, people. It's only cute when Mastercard does this. Even then, it can get old. We get it. Some things are priceless. Some things are not. Most of the things that are priceless are abstract lessons or memories or events that we'll take pictures of and then make elaborate scrapbook pages about. We know and we weep with pleasure that the world has finally realized that the important things are priceless and can't be bought. Now let's all go to the mall and buy some more stuff using our Mastercard.

3. Carrot Top. Yes, he's a person, so we can't really get rid of him. But he's really annoying and should be forgotten and never brought up again.

4. Papyrus font. I'll admit it: I used to like this font. It's textured! And slightly different from your average sans serif font! But then it started showing up everywhere. Churches embraced it with a fervor not seen since those disgusting communion wafers were invented! Wedding planners loved it and thought it evoked a sense of romanticism! And thus was born the era of Papyrus font. We must throw off the chains of this light but oh-so-gripping font. It is not good for signage (too thin to see from far away) and the world is full of fonts that evoke romanticism and have texture coming out their wazoo. Yes, their wazoo! So let's stop using Papyrus and let it rest in peace, knowing that it had its 15 minutes of fame in the early years of this grand century of ours.

5. Ripping off Macintosh's use of 'lowercase syllable + uppercase syllable = trendy product' formula. Anything made by Macintosh starts with a lowercase 'i'--iPod, iMac, iBook, etc. And since any and all Mac-related products are automatically trendy, marketing executives and
Corporate America embraced this formula like it was pure gold dipped in platinum and sprinkled with diamond dust. They held tight to the belief that people will assume that anything using this formula is not to be lived without. I must have it. I must.

6. Not letting the Trix rabbit have Trix. Call me crazy, but I found it highly distressing as a youngster that they wouldn't let the poor rabbit have some Trix. Why are Trix only for kids? Do they have some sort of chemical or vitamin or mineral that is poisonous to rabbits and will cause their floppy ears and bushy tail to fall off? Is the rabbit really a metaphor for adults, and they're saying that Trix are only for those who are young and don't care about the sugar content in cereals? Are they saying that, as an adult, we shouldn't want Trix or we shouldn't eat it even if we want it? What are they trying to tell us? Either way, I don't think it's very nice to discriminate against a poor rabbit who just wants some cereal. Aren't there laws against that?

That's all for now. Feel free to add your own entries to the list. Together, maybe we can put a stop to the needless overuse of these marketing ploys.