A Ph.D in Marriage Analysis

I should find a university that will let me develop my own special doctorate program. When I finish the work, I'll have a Ph.D in “Marriage Analysis.” I'd be an expert in watching my married and dating friends and learning about how different couples interact with each other, other couples and single people. What will make this program unique is that all of the doctoral candidates will be single. Singles watching couples. Bye-golly it's brilliant!

One of the largest parts of my study would focus on friendships. I'd study how couples make new friends and how they interact with old friends. My fear, though, is that the conclusions to this study would make a lot of couples angry or offended.

I read an article on Relevantmagazine.com the other day about singles and the Christian community. The bottom line is that single people (meaning not married or dating anyone) are often left out of the loop of friendship with couples or families. I don't mean being acquainted with each other and you all exchange “How are you?” or chit chat about the weather. I mean true and lasting friendship. The kind where hearts are laid on the line, advice is exchanged, and struggles are shouldered together.

The common behavior/reaction is that as soon as people pair off, they suddenly feel the need to only spend time with other couples. I can understand this to a certain extent―another couple gives each half someone to talk to. The man has someone to talk to, the woman has someone to talk to. The result is that the wife only hangs out with her female friends when her husband is having a guy's night. Rarely do the three of them hang out together.

This is not always the case, of course, but the rare exception is usually with someone who was friends with one or both halves of the pair before the coupling. So the girl's childhood best friend makes the cut. The guy's college roommate is okay to hang out with. But the new neighbor who is single will never become more than a casual acquaintance. Or if they do become a good friend, it will only be with half the couple, not both people.

I'm not saying a man should become best friends with the girl next door while his wife goes to make friends at the local truck stop. The bottom line is that single people benefit from spending time with couples or families and couples benefit from single people. The most obvious benefit is that it creates diversity. Diversity of experience, viewpoints, opinions and so on. Single people can learn a great deal about personal sacrifice from a married person, while a married person can learn a great deal about the importance of not relying on a person (like a spouse) to completely define who you are. (In other words―don't close yourself off from the world so that your spouse is your only friend.)

The bottom line is that I believe my study would conclude that the segregation between couples and single people is unhealthy for both sides. And yet it is more common than not for couples to disappear from the lives of their single friends. The fault lies with both parties, but that doesn't matter right now. What matters is that if we are to be people of depth, that depth should be carved from the experiences of many people, and not just those who are like us or who are in the same stage of life as us.

The Dynamics of a Two-Pet Household

Sometimes, I look at Cleo (the cat) and feel a little sorry for her. Maddie (the dog) gets most of the attention, while Cleo gets yelled at for pawing at the back door or receives looks of scorn for the cat litter strewn about. Then Cleo tries to walk on my face in the middle of the night, and I wonder if cats are God's way of keeping humans humble, while contemplating how much a steak for Maddie would cost.

Photo credits, counter clockwise from top left: dooce, MarthaK, For Me, For You and Soulemama

It's All About the Small Things

The following are things that bring small bursts of satisfaction in life, thus making the world better:

1. Finishing a book. Oh sweet mercy. I just love reading and getting to the point where you've read more of the book than you've not read, and then you've read three quarters. And then you can see the end in sight. And I love when I get to the last page and I have to use a sheet of paper to cover up the rest of the text on the page, so I don't accidentally see the last sentence before I get to it. And then, and then, I read the final sentence, close the book one last time, and it's finished.

2. Wearing new shoes. Don't you just feel more confident in a new pair of shoes? You walk taller and even the shirt you're wearing, the one you've owned for five years, feels newer and brighter. It's like on the first day of school, when you're loaded down with a new backpack, notebooks and pencils, and the all-important new outfit. But the outfit would not be complete without the new pair of shoes. Shoes that are so white they hurt your eyes to look directly at them. Or ballet flats that are still a little stiff, but totally worth the blisters.

3. Getting to your destination faster than Mapquest or Google said you would. This one is certainly silly, but don't you feel like you've accomplished something when it takes less time than Google said it would? It's like you've stuck it to The Man in some small way. Ha! You said 90 minutes and it took me 80! Take that computer-generated directions!

4. Super friendly employees. This is another random one, but I just love going to a restaurant or grocery store and the wait staff or cashier is friendly and talkative and seems to enjoy their job. It's just rare to meet people like that and it makes me wish I were super wealthy so I could give them an enormous tip.

5. Remembering a musician you'd forgotten. There's just so much good music out there (and no, the radio is not playing most of it―so turn it off and start scouring the internet. Start with All Songs Considered on NPR.), so I occasionally completely forget about a musician or group until I randomly see something about them. For example, I completely forgot how much I enjoy Elbow's music until I saw they opened for Coldplay a week or so ago. Or I'll put iTunes on shuffle and suddenly be taken back to college and my love for one of the Bens (Ben Harper, Ben Lee and Ben Kweller). Love it.

6. Great weddings photos. I love weddings and everything about them, but especially the photos. My friends own their own photography business and every once in a while I'll go to their site to see what's new. A couple weeks ago my friends got married and their photographers did an absolutely amazing job. I was blown away by their photos. I just love seeing two people completely in love and their friends and family that have come to celebrate with them. With so much unhappiness and restlessness in the world, it's always nice to take a break and look at unbridled love.

7. Unexpected phone calls from friends. I'm kind of forgetful sometimes about how many great friends I have. This usually happens when I've spent too much time by myself and haven't had enough person-to-person interaction. So whenever I'm feeling this way, it's always a pleasant reminder to receive a phone call from a friend who just wants to see how I'm doing. I should be better about calling people just to talk, but I'm as awkward on the phone as a cat at a AKC dog show.

What about you? What are some of your bits of happiness?

Thoughts from the Road

I drove home from a wedding in Richmond on Saturday night (Congrats Paul and Becca!) and thought I'd share with you some rambling thoughts and ideas I had.

*If I were to open a gas station, I'd do it in either Virginia or South Carolina, really close to the North Carolina border. Then, just a few miles before you get to the gas station I'd have a billboard that said something to the effect of "Fill up your tank before you reach NC and its ridiculously high gas tax!" I'd be filthy rich!

*If I were pulled over for speeding, I wonder if I could convince the officer that I thought the sign for I-85 was another speed limit sign. And when they think I'm lying, I'll become upset because that's what my father always told me and I can't believe he lied to me!

*Twizzlers are the most perfect late-night driving food. They magically keep me awake.

*The governing body of North Carolina that decides on speed limits should be given a swift hit in the head. Whoever thought it was a good idea to make the speed limit on a major highway 55mph must surely be on crack.

*The trick to determining if the gas station at the next exit is sketchy is to compare it to the restaurants also found on the exit. If it's a lone Burger King or Hardee's, keep driving. If it's a Cracker Barrel or especially a Chick-fil-A, you're golden. However, if it's a Sheetz gas station, then you don't even have to worry about the restaurants.

*By the way, I feel like I'm at an amusement park whenever I go to a Sheetz. There so big! And red! And you can order food right at the gas pump!

*I can't believe I ate that entire bag of Twizzlers.

*The best highways are those that have the huge medians with trees. Then you only have to watch for cops on your side of the highway, rather than both sides. Score!

*Best road trip musicians/songs ever: Nick Drake, Razor (Foo Fighters), The Winner Is (Devotchka), Rosie Thomas, Nickel Creek...who am I missing?

*I listen to a lot of female musicians whose name begins with K. KT Tunstall, Kate Earl, Katie Herzig, Kendall Payne...

Alright, I'm done. Enough random ramblings.

Hogwarts, Jane Austen and Handing Out Flowers in the Valley

Inside my brain is a part of my imagination that sometimes wishes I were born with magical powers and could attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This is the same part of my brain that wishes I were in a Meg Ryan movie from the 90s or a heroine in a Jane Austen novel.

Most of the time, however, I beat that part of my imagination into submission and force it to only come out on special occasions. Like Wednesday afternoons. Or while I'm drinking a Diet Dr. Pepper.

But honestly, I do have to try not to focus on fantasy and fictional happiness very often. Imagination is a wonderful thing, but left to its own devices, it can end up being a way to escape from reality and turn into a crutch that turns into a wheelchair that turns into a bed where you never get up and do anything real.

It's especially easy to fall into an imagined world when you're in one of life's valleys. Until recently, whenever I imagined the ups and downs of life, I pictured it to be like a roller coaster. You have fast ups, followed by fast downs. But as soon as you hit bottom, you go right back up. I'm realizing that life is not like that. Ups and downs are much more gradual and the downs often last longer than expected. Life is made mainly of plateaus. Plateaus in the good parts of life and the bad parts.

I've been in the down part of life for several weeks now. Now, I realize that my down is nothing compared to the majority of the world. I've had it pretty easy. It's easy for me to fuss at myself and wonder why I'm whining--but then I remember that pain and suffering is relative. But then I also remember that the valleys are where soil is the most fertile (I heard that in a movie somewhere I think. Cliche but true.).

So this is where the imagination comes in handy. Yes, life has its down parts. But I like to imagine that I'm driving a 1968 red convertible Mustang through the valley. I'm blaring happy music as I drive. And the passenger seat is full of flowers of all types and in every color.

As I drive by others in the valley, I hand them a flower and we listen to the music together and talk about what brought us to the valley. When we part ways, we feel a little better just having someone to talk to. And who wouldn't feel better after receiving their very own flower?

So I guess that the imagination can be helpful. But like all things, in moderation. Always in moderation.

Oy Vey

You'd think (You'd think...) that with all the time I have had on my hands lately, I would be blogging up a storm. But I've discovered that I am not one of those writers who works best during hard times. I like happiness. I'm inspired by happy and carefree things. So this economy is stifling me.

With that thought in mind, I've decided to spread the happiness with links to uplifting and fun things:

Check out these mysterious letters.

Quite possibly the best Craigslist ad ever.

"Crayola Doesn't Make a Color for Your Eyes."

The official White House photo stream on Flickr.

Speaking of the White House, this is one of the best photos ever.

Rice paddy crop art. So weird. So fun.

Also a little weird, but so good: Dirty Projectors-Stillness is the Move.

The Miller High Life Innovations. Hilarious.

Flickr set: Getting Dressed Each Day is Hard.

God Help the Girl (Good music--can't wait to see what else they do).

Simple Pleasures

When I worked at a summer camp in high school and college, the only place nearby to go shopping was the Wal-Mart. One Saturday I was standing in line behind an old married couple. They had gray hair, were stooped over with age and never said a word to each other while in line. The husband was giving their merchandise to the cashier while the wife stood a few feet back, holding a single red rose in her hands.

The entire time she was in line, she kept smelling the rose and then looking at it with the most content smile on her face I have ever seen. Her look was full of memories. Memories of all the roses she had been given in the past. From the first rose her husband gave her at a school dance, to the roses she received when their first child was born, and the single rose he buys her on occasion "just because." Those memories and the simple pleasure of the single stem in her hand made her face glow as though she had been given a dozen roses with a diamond ring in the center of one. But it was just a single rose.

Her husband took the rose from her so they could pay for it, but then gave it right back. I don't know whether she picked it up herself or not, but the pure joy in her face makes me think that her husband picked it out just for her. My imagination (and not-so-hidden romantic side) likes to think that she was holding just one of the hundreds of roses he had given her over the years. And no matter how many more she'd be given, she would always show that much pleasure in a single rose given to her by her beloved.

I love flowers more than just about anything in the world. I hope that someday I meet a man who will buy me flowers for special occasions and "just because." But even more, I hope that no matter how many flowers I'm given, I never lose that look of pleasure like the woman in the Wal-Mart checkout lane.

The Drunk Dial's Cousin

I submit that the close (very close) cousin of the "Drunk Dial" is the "Over-Emotional Facebook/Twitter Update."

Drunk Dial: You've had too much alcohol and your judgment is impaired. During said time, you call someone and leave a ridiculous or embarrassing voicemail. This (I hear) is especially bad if it's someone you are not on the best terms with.

Over-Emotional Facebook/Twitter Update: It's late and you're tired. Or maybe you're having a bad day and someone yelled at you at work. Or maybe you're just emotional all the time. But this excess of emotion spills over into your online updates. Example: "I guess I just don't have any real friends. None of them ever call or ask me how I'm doing and I'm pretty sure someone (who shall remain nameless but you know who you are) stole the last box of macaroni and cheese, even though she knew I wanted it. Maybe I'll just stop calling them like they've apparently stopped calling me."

So the next time you're thinking: "Just you wait, people-who-made-me-mad! The next time Facebook asks me 'What's on your mind?' I'm going to answer them--honestly! And boy will you all feel the burn and wrath of my carefully chosen passive aggressive post! You'll feel so guilty for not being nice to me and walking on eggshells around me that you'll immediately want to buy me a puppy!" Please, just take a few minutes to stop and ask yourself if it's beneficial or healthy or constructive to continue on the path over Over-Emotional Facebook/Twitter Updating.

Together, we can eliminate the embarrassment of out-of-left-field accussations and conclusion-jumping.

Lying Ads

You know when you visit a website and they feature ads based on other websites you've visited? For example, if you visit a lot of websites about perfect pickle recipes, you'll see a lot of ads about pickles or Mt. Olive or great episodes of The Andy Griffith Show. They use their interwebbiness power to figure out who they think you are and what you need, and then based ads on that. So what is MSNBC trying to tell me by putting up these ads?

You know what MSNBC? There's only so much a girl can do! Quit holding the whole "not married" or "not a mom" or "doesn't have perfect teeth" thing over my head. Also, why is the internet so obsessed with yellow teeth and Rachel Ray's amazing diet? It's like the new cranberry*--get your teeth whitened or you'll be doomed to a life of sorrow and gnashing of [yellow] teeth.


*Whoever markets cranberries is a genius--they're in 95 percent of the fruit juices I see.

Days With My Father: Beautiful and Heartbreaking

It's been quite a while since I posted anything. I have something in the works, but I wanted to go ahead and share this website.

Days With My Father

Phillip Toledano's mother died in 2006 and just hours after the funeral, his father had forgotten that she'd died. It was then that Phillip realized his father had no short-term memory. Eventually Toledano began telling his father that his mother was in Paris and this would satisfy his father.
On this site Phillip chronicles his time with his father, along with beautiful photographs.

The Funniest Letter of Complaint Ever

A passenger on Virgin airlines was not very happy with his meal, so he wrote what has to be the funniest complaint letter ever. Go here for the full text. Here's a sampling of what's in the letter:

"I’ll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it’s Christmas morning and you’re sat their with your final present to open. It’s a big one, and you know what it is. It’s that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

"Only you open the present and it’s not in there. It’s your hamster Richard. It’s your hamster in the box and it’s not breathing. That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this: [see image 3]."

Maybe if we all took that much time with letters of complaint, companies would make a few changes. Apparently Richard Bronson personally called the passenger to apologize. I think I might write a letter of complaint to Anderson Cooper...

Polaroids are Saved! (For real this time!)

I stumbled upon this article on another blog. Some excerpts:

"If all goes to plan, the Polaroid factory in Enschede, Amsterdam, will soon be making film again thanks to its new owner, an eccentric Austrian artist and businessman named Florian Kaps."

"'The project is more than a business plan; it's a fight against the idea that everything has to die when it doesn't create turnover,' said Mr Kaps."

I love it! I love that Kaps realizes not everything is about money--especially art. Just because it's not the newest technology doesn't mean it's irrelevant or useless. Just look at the resurgence of vinyl records.

Print it Like a Polaroid Picture

Good news for all the Polaroid picture lovers out there: The Polaroid camera is back, in digital.

"It produces 2-by-3 inch photos by selectively heating spots on specially treated paper. It has nothing to do with the old chemical Polaroid process, but the prints convey some of the same Pop Art charm: They're grainy and the colors are slightly off, with faces tending toward a deathly blue-green."

When Polaroid announced they are stopping production of the Polaroid instant film cameras, people began hoarding they're film and buying it up whenever and wherever they could. And the hipsters rejoiced! (at the announcement of the new camera).

Question to Ponder During the New Year

A few weeks ago I did an email interview with a missionary in Uganda. She's been there for just under a year and living with three other missionaries. Some of her insights, along with the general atmosphere of the world and culture today, brought to mind a series of questions I've been pondering. Let's just dive right in:

If you stripped away all your hobbies, interests, favorites (including television shows, books, movies, flavor of coffee, etc), tastes (in clothing, decorating, music, type of vehicle...)--what would be left? How would you define yourself and how would others define you?

How would people describe me if they couldn't include that I'm a fan of the Green Bay Packers, I drink lots of Diet Dr. Pepper and I enjoy reading and writing? What if all the opinions and preferences from the last 25 years were stripped away and I was simply left with who God made me?

Would I be happy with what was left? Perhaps I would be left with nothing, because who I am is based on the very things I've stripped away. Or perhaps I'd find the real me--the one created by God for His glory and I've let the world and its distractions taint the real me.

In the interview with the missionary, she said something that really struck a chord with me. Before leaving for Uganda, she had in mind what she would be doing in Uganda, but when she got there she discovered that it wasn't about what she "brought to the table." She went to Uganda expecting to reach others through art and teaching art. When she got there, she discovered that they didn't need or have time for art. We're raised to believe we all must bring something to the table--to have something to contribute to make the world better. Or just something to help make our mark on the world.

But is that what we really need? Don't we just end up defining ourselves by our hobbies and preferences, rather than as a child of God? A creation of God, made in His image? And when all is said and done, isn't that what really matters?

If I Were President...

- I'd make it a law that everyone must have at least two hobbies. One can have expensive paraphernalia but at least one must be inexpensive. Then it would be no problem finding gifts for everyone.
- I'd make all schools year-round (sorry Meredith). It just makes sense to me.
- Just like every child must take math and science, I'd make it a law that every child take art and music.
- People would have to take a simple intelligence test before they are allowed to drive. Such questions as what follows would be on the test:
- When is it logical to turn on your headlights?
a. When it is dark outside
b. When it is foggy outside
c. When it is raining, drizzling, snowing, sleeting, hailing or any other time precipitation is falling from the sky, therefore obstructing the sun and making it harder for other drivers to see your vehicle
d. At dusk and dawn
e. All of the above
- When should you begin slowing down to make a turn?
a. When you're in the turn lane
b. When your 200 yards from the turn and there's 4,000 cars behind you trying to go home after a long day at work
c. Whenever you feel like it
- For every “guy movie” a female watches without complaint, the guy must watch a “chick flick” without complaint.
- The number of baseball and basketball games in a single season would be cut by 50 percent. Is it really necessary to play 162 baseball games to find out which team is the best? Do we need to see the Utah Jazz play 82 times, only to be reminded 82 times how ridiculous that team name is? And don't even get me started on the OKC Thunder logo or the number of games in the playoffs.
- Schools would be funded so well that the military would be sending out soldiers to sell candy and doughnuts (this is, of course, said somewhat sarcastically. I'd prefer both the army and schools be well funded. Not just one or the other).
- Overcharging the public for uncreative music in which the “musician” or “singer” had absolutely no input in the process other than lip syncing into a microphone would be a crime with a penalty that includes being forced to listen to the Bee Gees nonstop for three months.

What law would you add to the books?

Advice on How to Blog

From Slate magazine:

How to Blog
by Farhad Manjoo

So apparently if I want to be a famous blogger, I should post more than just once every three weeks...

Where Have all the Acorns Gone?

From CNN:
Scientists baffled by mysterious acorn shortage

[Excerpts]

In far-flung pockets of northern Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, West Virginia and other states, scientists have found no acorns whatsoever.

"I had read about the collapse of the bee colonies, and it made me wonder, is something else going on here? Could this be affecting other systems?"

I bet I know where the acorns went:

The Chopstick Issue

I could write about a lot of things that are meaningful and pressing. Perhaps I could examine the state of the US economy or the upcoming election. But I won’t. Instead I’ll discuss something that has weighed on my mind as of late and must be said before the vein in my head explodes.*

I live in the United States of America. One of the perks of living in this country is that you can find any kind of restaurant you want: Italian, German, Irish, Chinese—take your pick. Among my favorites are Chinese and Japanese restaurants. Yet every time I’m in one I am confronted with the same question:

Why are they using chopsticks?

By “they” I mean the other patrons. Why are half of them using chopsticks when forks are readily available? Do they not realize they are in the US? Do they think the forks are there for decoration? Or do they think everyone else is impressed with their skill? Because we’re not.

Listen, if you’re trying to get the full “Asian” experience, then you’re going to have to eat somewhere else. Because I hate to break it to you, but that General Tso’s chicken you’re eating at the Happy Panda is not real Chinese food.

I’d like to take a poll to find out what chopstick users have in common with other chopstick users. I’m willing to bet that a lot of them only use Macs**, have a love/hate relationship with Starbucks and subscribe to (but don’t read) The New Yorker. They might also drive Volkswagons.

Then again, maybe there are two types of chopstick users—the yuppies (the Mac users) and the posers. The posers are hoping you’ll comment about their chopstick use so they have an excuse to tell you about their trip to China (or Chinatown).

Maybe I’ll start talking in an Italian accent whenever I go to an Italian restaurant or insist on drinking my chosen beverage from a steinkrug if I go to a German restaurant. That wouldn’t be ridiculous at all.

----------

*I don’t actually have a vein like that. I had a seventh grade English teacher who did, though.
**If I had an extra $1,000 lying around, I’d go buy a MacBook right now. I want one like the desert misses the rain. So using only a Mac isn’t a bad thing—but only using chopsticks in an Asian-American restaurant is.

I'm Currently Drooling Over These Things

~This floor

~This graphic tee

~The realization that the website design at church is almost complete and my life will soon be much, much easier and the site will be much, much better looking.

~Daydreaming about a quiet vacation at this lake house.

~Or maybe taking a vacation to this house.

~Riding motorcycles (I'll leave the driving to someone else, thank you). I've only done it once, but for-the-love-of-pete it was fun.

~"Laughing, loving and crying are the secrets angels share when we admit we're only human."

~People who leave comments.

Happy Friday! Someday soon I'll write a real blog entry with substance.

Soap!

I was looking for an image to use for my "Wednesdays are for Opinions" graphic and found this:

Ummm...wow.

It's soap in the shape of hands.

Am I the only one who would be more than a little weirded out if I used the bathroom at a friend's house and this was the hand soap (no pun intended) beside the sink?



...I think I just saw one of them move...